


Ron Weasley and the Quest for the Giant Foreskin

by abigail89



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Foreskin Play, M/M, Oral Sex, Skinny Dipping, holy shit, totally ridiculous, wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:50:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigail89/pseuds/abigail89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron develops a curiosity about foreskins and goes on a quest of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ron Weasley and the Quest for the Giant Foreskin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Holy Foreskin Fest, January 2008.
> 
> I can't even explain where this came from.

Harry Potter came with a gasp and a sigh. When his cock was completely spent, Ron spat it out and crawled up the bed to join him in a cuddle.

“’snice,” Ron said contentedly. “Your cock is nice to suck.”

Harry chuckled. “Glad to hear it. I love when you suck it.”

“It fits perfectly in my mouth,” Ron went on. “It’s long enough to reach my throat without gagging me. But it’s really thick. I like that, especially when it’s up my arse…”

“Mmm….” Harry hummed. His perfect-length thick cock twitched at the memory of the times it had been up Ron’s tight, hot arse. “It loves being there.”

“But what I really love about sucking your cock is your glove is long. I—“

“My what?”

“You know, the skin that covers the end of your dick.”

“You mean the foreskin?”

“That’s it, though I’ve always called it a glove, y’know, it protects your knob. Anyway, I like sucking the length off the tip, playing with it between my teeth.”

Harry shuddered in a very good way, and moaned. “God, Ron…”

“No, really.” Ron sat up abruptly and threw back the covers, causing Harry to squawk. “Look at it compared to mine.” He tugged on his own cock, drawing it out to full length. “See? My skin just barely covers the end, but yours….Merlin’s balls, Harry, it’s so long it actually flaps.”

“It’s just because it’s shrunk.” Harry pulled the covers back over his body. “It’s cold in here. Did the fire go out?”

“Nah, it’s not because of shrinkage. It always looks like that. Look, bring it back to full length.”

“God, Ron. You just sucked me off. I’m gonna be down for hours.”

“You tosser. You know you could fill up in ten seconds flat, you’re just being lazy.”

Harry looked startled, then rose to his knees. “Lazy, huh?” He started vigorously stroking, then stopped. “This is your idea, you do it.” He laid back in the pillows and offered his cock.

Ron laughed. “Knew that’d convince you.”

*~*

Thirteen seconds later both were hard and at full staff again. “See?” Ron said, holding Harry’s hot length. “Your head is still fully covered and there’s extra.” He tweaked the crinkled end of Harry’s foreskin. “The end of mine is peeping out.”

“So what?” Harry insisted. “I like yours ‘cause I can tongue the slit.” He leant over and swiped the pearly drop on the tip of Ron’s cock. “Mmm…that’s good.” He took the head in, pulled back and suckled again. Ron groaned.

“If you keep doing that, you’re gonna have to suck me off again.”

“Shit, you’re gonna have to do me too.”

“Well, turn around and we’ll take can of this right now,” Ron demanded.

“Brilliant!” Harry said in a low voice, as he spun around to offer Ron’s mouth his hard cock. “Fucking brilliant.”

“No,” Ron mumbled, as he swallowed the head and pulled Harry’s foreskin to it full, glorious length, “it’s sucking brilliant.”

*~*

Panting just moments later, they lay in each other’s arms. “You know,” Harry said sleepily, “Neville has a long foreskin too.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you never noticed?”

“NO!” Ron said. “I’ve never been close enough to Neville’s cock to notice.”

“Wonder if Ginny thinks it’s…”

“Shut it!” Ron squawked. “I don’t want to think about my sister and Neville’s cock at the same time.”

“Oh, come on. They’ve been together for three years. You know they’ve f…”

“Say it and I’ll have to kill you.”

“Christ! Whatever,” Harry muttered.

Silence fell. Then Ron said, “But you know…Dean has a long one too, come to think of it.”

Harry thought. “Yeah, he does. But Seamus doesn’t have one.”

“Really?” Ron rolled over to look at him, eyes wide.

“You never noticed?” As Ron shook his head, Harry grinned. “Yeah, Seamus’s da was circumcised, so his mum had it done to him.”

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Nah, they do it to you when you’re a baby, so you don’t remember the trauma of someone waving a knife around your cock.”

“No kidding.”

Again silence ensued. “Wonder what Goyle’s is like?” Ron asked.

Harry shuddered. “Gorilla, most like.”

Ron sniggered. “Malfoy’s is probably edged in lace.”

“What about Justin?”

“That pansy! Pro’ly got his taken off so he stays extra clean.”

“Snape?”

Ron shivered. “Shriveled. How ‘bout the Giant Squid?”

“Fuck, Ron, do we even know the Squid has a cock?”

“Dunno. But if it does, I’ll bet it’s damn impressive.” Ron yawned.

Harry rolled over, again, encouraging Ron to spoon. “Don’ wanna think about squidly cock. Wanna sleep and dream ‘bout yours.”

“No need to dream,” Ron said through another yawn. “It’s right here.”

*~*

Ron poked his head into Harry’s office. “Hey!”

Harry looked up and smiled warmly. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Free for lunch?” Ron held up a take away bag with “Jiffy Wizard Curry” on it.

“Great! I was just thinking I’d like some curry. Haven’t had any in a while.”

“Must’ve smelled it down the hall.” Ron pulled the cardboard boxes out of the bag. “Got your usual.” He leant over and pulled a book out of a knapsack.

“What’cha got there?” Harry said, spearing a shrimp with his fork.

“It’s a text about squid anatomy.”

The fork and shrimp hung in mid-air before Harry’s gaping mouth. “You are fucking kidding me!” he exclaimed loudly. Then, he stood up and looked around quickly. “Good thing no one’s here. What the hell are you doing?”

“Well, last night got me thinking,” Ron said, swiping his mouth with a serviette. “If the Giant Squid does have one, it’s probably pretty huge.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Ron, you can’t be serious. First of all, we don’t know if the Squid is male. Second, how the hell would you see it if it is? Third, WHY would you want to see it?”

“And here I thought you were the curious one.”

”I am. Well, Hermione really is, but that’s not the point. Ron, you’ve got to drop this. What’re you gonna do? Go up to Hogwarts, jump in the lake, find the Squid, gesture to him”—Harry made a circle with his thumb and index finger and shook it—“ and then feel the squid up to see if its foreskin has a crinkly edge like mine?” 

Ron chewed thoughtfully. “That wouldn’t be so hard, would it? I mean, the Squid and me—“

Harry choked on a broccoli. “WHAT?”

“You remember, don’t’cha? [That time that, y’know, the Squid came on to me?”](http://squidlytales.livejournal.com/3606.html#cutid1)

Harry waved his hands in front of Ron’s face. “I don’t wanna hear anything about that!! It was a long time ago, you were upset. Hell, are you even sure it happened?”

“’Course it happened.” Ron dug around in the take-away container for a shrimp. “C’mon, Harry. Don’t you wanna know?”

“If it’s all the same, I really don’t.” He put his fork down and looked at Ron. “Look, if you want to compare foreskins, we can go to a male strip club and you can look at all the pretty men with their buff bods and their gorgeous cocks and their lovely foreskins.” Harry was getting not just a little peeved and a lot jealous.

“Don’t wan’ ‘at,” Ron said, his mouth full of rice. “’ust wan’ ‘e—“ he swallowed—“to see the Giant Squid’s.

Harry thought Ron had finally taken complete leave of his senses, but he sighed. “It’s completely mental, y’know.”

“I know.”

“So that must make me mental, too. That, or just completely in love with you. Let’s book off a couple of days and go up to Hogwarts.” Ron cheered, and rose up out of his chair to give Harry a kiss. “I’ll see about a room at the ‘Three Broomsticks’.”

“And I’ll do the research.”

“No, Hermione will do the research.”

“Right.”

“Then she’ll find us a shrink. She’s gonna think we’ve both gone round the twist.”

“Too late. She already thinks that.”

*~*

Since it was mid-July no one was about to witness “Ron Weasley’s Quest for the Holy Foreskin”, as Harry had taken to calling it. As predicted Hermione thought Ron had completely gone off the rails, and took the mickey out of him at every opportunity. But she dutifully did the research.

“‘The giant squid ( _Architeuthis_ ) is basically an eating and breeding machine,” she had read at lunch the day before. “The relatively long penis of the mature male squid is as long as the mantle—’”

“What’s the mantle?” Ron asked.

“It’s the length on top of the head,” she replied. “The fin sits on top of the mantle.”

“Oh. So how long is the mantle?”

“I was getting to that. The problem is that we don’t know exactly how long the mantle is because no one has really seen a giant squid…”

“I’ve seen ours,” Ron said. “It’s pretty damn big.”

“That’s real scientific, Ron. ‘Pretty damn big’ doesn’t cut it as a precise measurement.”

“Look, Hermione,” Harry said, hoping to head off an argument, “what does the literature say about approximate lengths?”

“If you two would quit interrupting ME--” Hermione’s voice rose louder. Several patrons in the lunchtime crowd at The Leaky Cauldron looked at them. She ducked her head, and said quietly, “From what little actual evidence exists, a fully mature squid would have a mantle length of upwards of two metres.”

“And the squid’s cock is equal to that?” Ron whistled. “That’s a fucking big cock.”

“Yes, and speaking of _fucking_ ,” she whispered, “when squids mate, it’s really violent and harsh. The male squid often loses a tentacle or two. The female can be almost 1.3 times larger than the male.”

“Wow, big ‘un’s, huh?” Ron grinned. “It’d be like Harry takin’ on Madam Maxime.”

“Hey, watch it,” Harry warned.

“Think it has a glove?” Ron asked.

“Shhh!” Hermione shushed. “I feel weird enough just having this discussion with you two without bringing in all the sordid details. Just go. No more talking. Just do what you need to do to get this …weird obsession out of your system, Ron.” She shoved back her chair and gathered up her bag. “Harry, you must really love this prat.”

“I do,” Harry replied simply.

“Well, good luck. And for the love of Merlin, don’t tell anyone I helped with this. Percy will never let me live it down.” She gave each man a kiss and left.

“What’s up with Percy?” Ron asked, draining the last of his ale.

“He’s Percy. She’s Hermione. They’re in some unexplainable competition for who can be the biggest geek in the Ministry.”

“Hard to say who’d win at this point.”

“True. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be. But can we go home first?”

“Um…sure,” Harry said. “Did you forget something?”

“No.” Ron leant closer to Harry’s ear as they walked through the Cauldron to the Apparition corner in the back. “All this talk about cocks has gotten me horny.”

*~*

But now they stood on the shore of the Black Lake. The brilliant sunshine sparkled on the clear, crisp water. 

“Did Neville say anything about…you know?” Ron asked, shielding his eyes with one hand against the glare.

“Nope,” Harry replied. “I was the model of discretion when asking for the gillyweed.”

“Thanks for that.” Ron continued to survey the lake. “Harry, am I mental for wanting to do this?”

“Yes,” he replied promptly. “But you want to do this, so here we are.”

Ron turned and favoured him with a wide smile. “Thanks.”

“Anything for you.”

“Well, you say the gillyweed lasts about an hour, huh?” Ron eyed the pile of slimy green stuff in his hand. “I reckon we ought to get started. You coming?”

“Said I would.” Harry took off his sandals and shirt, and immediately wrapped his arms around his bare chest. “I think we should wait until the Giant Squid makes an appearance. It usually likes the north side of the lake.”

“Makes sense. Squids like the colder water.”

Harry shook his head. “Ron Weasley, master of the giant squid.”

“Can’t think of anyone I’d rather do this with.”

“It’d better be me, or you’d have some explaining to do.”

Ron reached over and planted a kiss on Harry’s lips. He pulled Harry’s hips to his, enjoying the feeling of his mate’s growing erection digging into his upper thigh. Harry started humping his leg, rolling the knobby head back and forth when something caught Ron’s attention out of the corner of his eye.

He broke the kiss, much to Harry’s disappointment and displeasure, to spy a large, long ripple in the water near where they stood. A light coloured creature swam past, trailing long extentions.

“There it is!” Ron said excitedly. “This is it. C’mon, Harry!”

Ron threw off his t-shirt, kicked off his slides, and shimmied out of his shorts and pants. He ran to the shoreline and waved, hoping to capture the Giant Squid’s attention. “Come one. Let’s catch up to him!”

Harry ran up behind him, breathless and eyes bulging. “Ron, you’re—“

“Let’s go! Do we just eat this stuff?” He held up the gillyweed.

Harry was agog and weak-kneed at the sight of his gloriously naked partner. Ron’s back faced him, and he gulped as he gazed at the perfectly-rounded, perfectly dimpled, perfectly freckled arse. “Y-Yeah, just swallow it down.”

Ron tipped the slimy green pile into his mouth, immediately grimaced, then started flailing. Harry did the same, then ran up to his mate, grabbed his hand and pulled him into the water.

Harry’s neck burned as the gill slits emerged and his feet elongated into flippers, but he remained relaxed as he expected the changes. Ron, on the other hand, was writhing wildly. Harry tugged on his hand, giving him the thumbs-up signal and a smile, hoping this own calm demeanor would encourage his mate. Finally, the gillyweed transformation was complete and Ron looked at his hands in awe.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Harry burbled.

“What are we now?” Ron answered back. “Fish?”

“Merpeople, more like.”

“C’mon!” Ron said, giving his feet an experimental swish, then grinned as the movement propelled him backwards. “We have to find him.” He turned over onto his belly and swim swiftly away.

“If it is a him,” Harry murmured. But he flippered after his mate.

Harry quickly spotted Ron doing a quite graceful crawl through the water. He remembered that the Weasleys grew up beside a large pond, so it stood to reason that they all knew how to swim reasonably well. Ron seemed particularly at home in the water, given the speed and the ease with which he propelled himself along. Harry kept one eye on Ron and one out for Grindylows, the dastardly little blighters who could sneak up on swimmers and attack ferociously. He thought he saw several following along in the dark plants below him, but they turned out to be large fish.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw two creatures swimming at him very, very quickly. The Mqerpeople were on him in a flash, one pointing a sharp, golden trident at his mid-section. 

Harry waved his hands in a universal greeting of peace, which, surprisingly, they returned. Harry burbled the short Mermish sentences he learned in Auror water training: “I am Harry Potter. I am not here to disturb you.”

The merperson (Harry wasn’t sure which gender it was) screeched again, and he took it to mean, “Then why are you here?”  
He thought quickly, he Mermish completely exhausted. He pointed at the disappeared figure of Ron and made a swimming motion with his arms; then, he put the blade of his hand to his forehead and looked around. Finally, he wiggled his fingers and made them swim backwards. Mentally, he was praying to the water gods that the Merpeople understood what the hell he was trying to tell them.

The two sentries seemed to grasp that they were not a threat to their colony, and that they were merely trying to find the Giant Squid. They even helpfully pointed over into deeper water, which Harry took to mean they’d find their quarry in that direction. The two shook their heads in a pathetic sort of way as they swam off.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Harry said. He hurriedly swam to catch up to Ron, hoping nothing had befallen him.

The water became noticeably colder as he swam in the direction given by the Merpeople. He abandoned any attempt to look for watery threats in the interest of catching up to Ron—

Who was floating before the ghostly white figure of the Giant Squid. Harry gulped as he came up on them. Ron was quite near the large creature, its humongous eye turned directly to Ron—

Who had turned onto his back and…and was stroking his cock. Harry, had he not been so worried, aghast, and utterly fascinated by what was taking place, would’ve been terribly turned on at the sight of Ron stroking his long cock. 

But then Harry’s jaw dropped as he witnessed a white tentacle snake out towards his mate. Harry pulled out his wand, but stopped. The tentacle carefully and gently wrapped around Ron’s waist, cradling him in the squishy pads. Ron didn’t flinch as he was held, as he continued pulling on his cock. The Squid drew Ron closer to its unblinking black eye. When Ron was fully hard, he sat up and pointed at the Squid, then at his own cock.

The Squid blinked. Then, it blinked again. Harry then saw something truly…indescribable.

From out of the dark, cold depths came a long, pale stalk. It was surrounded by a filmy, floaty…thing. _Foreskin. On a ginormous cock_ , Harry realized with a start. _The Giant Squid has a foreskin on a fucking ginormous cock. Bloody. Fucking. Hell._

The Giant Squid used another tentacle to stroke its cock. As it stroked downwards, it drew back the squidly foreskin and exposed a brilliantly red head. It looked oddly human-shaped, only…not. Harry was transfixed for several moments, watching the large cephalopod get itself off whilst…watching Ron. Then it drew Ron closer to the tip of its member, the foreskin floating around Ron’s entire body. Ron reached out as if to wrap his arms around the head. _Hey!_ , Harry thought wildly. _HEY! He…it…Ron…HE’S getting it off with my mate!!!_

As Harry swam forward the Squid wrapped the tip of yet another tentacle around Ron’s cock. Ron looked as though he was in something of a trance; he was limp and unresponsive as he lay across the squid’s cock. Harry came up to Ron, grabbed his arm and Disapparated them away.

On the shore, Harry and Ron both gasped for breath. The gillyweed was starting to wear off but they still had gills. Harry yanked them back into the water where they trembled as the effects disappeared. They dragged themselves to the shallow sandy shoreline and laid in the warm sun.

“What the hell happened to you?” Harry asked, panting.

Ron swallowed. “Dunno,” he said as he, too, panted. “All of a sudden, things went all wonky, like I couldn’t breathe or something.”

“The Squid put you inside its foreskin,” Harry said. “He put you on his cock, Ron! It…he…it was gonna come all over you, I think.”

Ron boggled at him, then a look of horror crossed his face. “Merlin’s balls! You think it really would’ve done that?”

“Ron, I have no idea, and I wasn’t going to find out. That’s when I Disapparated with you.”

Ron covered his face with his hands, shaking his head as in disgust. “Thanks for saving me,” he said finally.

“’sall right. That’s what mates are for.”

After a while they got out of the water, dressed, and started the long walk back to Hogsmeade instead of Apparating. The day was pleasantly sunny and warm.

“So have you finally satisfied your curiosity about foreskins?” Harry teased as they crossed the wide green lawn in front of Hogwarts.

“I’ll say. I’m finished with that part of my life,” Ron said. 

“And whose foreskin are you going to worship from now on?”

“Yours and only yours,” Ron said, dramatically taking Harry’s hand and kissing it. “I forsake all others for yours alone, which was how it was before this weird…whatever…happened. Yours is the finest foreskin in the entire world. In the universe, in fact.”

“That’s good enough,” Harry said, laughing. “I’m sure Hermione will be happy to know you won’t be calling on her to do research on any more foreskins. I’m not sure how she’d feel about giants or even Hippogriffs.”

Ron stumbled. “Huh! Hippogriffs! Now that would be something to…”


End file.
